I wish life had little blips of pornography
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
