The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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