Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
