I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
