well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
