It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
