Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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