She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
