There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
