I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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