shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
