Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
