saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Randomize
