I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We left an ass print on the piano.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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