I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my shit smells like andre
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
