No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
