I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
