you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
