I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
