Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
