put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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