boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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