Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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