The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry about my life...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
