You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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