I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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