You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
