remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I touched a dick in church today
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
