are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
