At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
