i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
