So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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