I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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