these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
