god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love having hate sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
