Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
