There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
