I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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