I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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