I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My hand turned me down
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
