Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
