So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My vagina is officially offended.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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