i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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