i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
