So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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