Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the raccoons are back...
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