Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
