Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
