New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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