o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
