you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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